how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
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