Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize