I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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