Sry I called you an 8
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
