trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
