It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
