the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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