It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
