Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I CAN MOONWALK!
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize