i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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