Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize