Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
