are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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