I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
