I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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