you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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