My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
