I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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