Dual....:-)
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
