honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
