So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
