running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize