this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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