batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
