it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
