Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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