I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
