im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
