saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
