Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
