Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
