You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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