Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
