So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
