dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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