he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
