How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize