Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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