i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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