he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
