Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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