Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
