Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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