take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
