i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
