hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
