I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
