with your own penis?
Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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