We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
