I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
