I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Even my vagina gasped.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
