Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There r osticjed everywhere
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
