I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
