Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
