did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Swine flu. Run for my life!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Randomize
