Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
