If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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