i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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