just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
