I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
