Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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