I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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