As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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