I CAN MOONWALK!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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