i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize