If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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