Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
