Hey man sorry I got all grabby
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
