another moral hangover. fuck.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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