my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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