Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
