Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize