She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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