I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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