My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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