Do you still have your period?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
as a side note pls kill me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
