The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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