I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Im part way to drunk.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
