took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
