what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
