..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My breasts were aching with rage.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
