Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize