A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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