puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
