Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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