Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
