KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Randomize
