he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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