clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Green mimosas i think yes
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
