if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
