she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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