Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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