Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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