I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
