I've blown a few things in my day
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
