i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
