I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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